Standing backstage with my head bowed I wondered if I had given it enough, if I had shown up as authentically as I could, and if the community and judges then decided that I had earned the right to represent them. I had a platform I was passionate about, and was unwilling to compromise on where I stood. I also knew it was a risk to not play pretty politics. And then I had the privilege of competing with Captain Lyte who had given it their all as well.
In the dim light of the backstage area we all stood waiting for the announcement. When they called my name I had but a moment to breathe, hug my partners, and step through the curtain before the sound of my community enthusiastically cheering for me overwhelmed me. It felt amazing.
All weekend long I had people come up to me voicing their support, encouraging me to use my voice to start the evolution revolution I think we need. I have never felt more seen and more validated as I did standing on that stage having the medallion, sash and patch presented to me. I am already searching for additional opportunities to teach on ways we can change, and ways we can have more fun. I cannot wait to get out and meet more of you regionally and nationally. The title is a wonderful vehicle to go out and make the community you want! So many of you reached out to me that weekend, and in the subsequent weeks to work out when we can see each other again. I cannot wait to sit down and have one of my famous “meals with Mara” conversations with more of you! I want to listen to what is happening within our community and how I can grow, do better, and help others to do so.
My journey in the Leather community hasn’t always been an easy one. There have been innumerable instances where I was told that I wasn’t enough, that my voice as a slave didn’t matter, that things that I thought should be different weren’t up for discussion. I had spent most of my life trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be, giving up who I needed to be. This run was my way of reclaiming huge pieces of my identity. To be able to stand tall in my community and say “this is who I am”. I learned that I am happiest when I feel safe to be all of who I am. The most important lesson from the weekend was that when I show up authentically it resonates with other people. The fact that you decided that my voice had value, and that I had something to offer was huge, and I will forever be grateful.
My list of thank-yous will be long but without these folx, I would never have been able to compete the way I did. They gifted me with time, financial resources, unconditional support and so much more.
To my sponsors: Secular Shepherdess, The Woodshed, and Devyn Stone, and all of the amazing people who donated items for my baskets, the fact that all of you heard my vision and unequivocally said "YES we are in", gave me the confidence and financial backing I really needed to make my title run a success. An extra special thank you to Kel at the Secular Shepherdess for the years of support leading up to this event. Here’s to many more years and more 12 hour brunches!
To the judges: Thank you for the thoughtful, challenging, insightful questions. Thank you for witnessing my platform and supporting me as I worked on presenting the most authentic version of myself. It is really hard to put yourself out there to be judged, and I am grateful for the grace and wisdom you shared with me.
To the SELF staff: Thank you for the tireless work you do to make the event a success year after year. This was my 17th SELF, and it was amazing to reconnect with people I knew in 1996 as well as getting to meet people for the first time. I am honored that I get to be a small part of your family. A huge thank you to Andy for keeping all of us moving forward over the weekend!
To Sandy:(yes you get a special shout out) Thank you for helping me stay on this planet.
So much gratitude for all of my partners: To Phil for stepping up to help Luna while still finding time and energy to help me. To Nikki for immediately volunteering to be my handler even when it meant missing out on family time. To Lacey for being my quiet little space in the storm, and to Luna for making the weekend twice as hectic but twice as rewarding. Thank you for encouraging me when it felt overwhelming. Thank you for supporting each other, and thank you for being on board this rollercoaster! Now we get to do it all again in 2024!
To the many, many people I am honored, and blessed to call family: It has been a very long strange trip, and this year has been a doozy. Throughout it all you have cheered me on, donated soooo much stuff for my baskets, proofread every contest related piece of material,and listened to me doubt myself. Thank you for seeing all of me. Thank you for supporting me even if you don’t like Leather titles (or even knew what one was!) Thank you for being my place of refuge and healing. Thank you for helping me become who I am today.
And finally - to every person I had the honor of sharing space with during the weekend - THANK YOU! Those moments waiting on elevators, hanging out between classes, and schmoozing at hospitality parties, reminded me of why I wanted to do this in the first place. Thank you for sharing your truths with me. Thank you for the countless words of encouragement and validation. Thank you for voting for me! I hope I make you proud this year. Can’t wait to see you along this next part of my journey!
